A Missing Piece

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some stay for a while and leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.”

Sometimes, when someone came into our lives, announced or not, we like it or not, as time goes by, we tend to get accustomed to their presence. Little by little, we hone something in us that gets visible through their constant participation. Love blossoms and hate melted.

It is always like that, one way or another we took their presence with gratification. Little did they know, small things that were unimportant to them are the things we treasured the most. But what happen when they left?

Intentionally or not, someone has to leave. They don’t like it too but that’s what are things normally would be. They said it’s painful to be left behind but I say it doubled the pain for the person who has to leave. You’ve been part of their lives too and it has never been easy to leave someone who makes a huge room in their hearts. There will always be a missing piece, a piece that cannot be sewed nor be filled again.

But life must go on. There must be a reason for everything. What hole they’ve created will become something we have to hold onto. It’s a constant reminder of impermanence.

Let’s cherish every person we have at the moment. We will never know when their departures will be.

Angelica Parantar


Happiness. Knowledge. Life.

None of it seems to matter to me.

Day by day. Night after night. I’ve been waiting for you to come back.

Staring blankly in the blue sky, with my mind wandering around, hoping, searching, and reaching. But seems, neither of you isn’t happy to be coming back. Why, in times like this, I needed you the most.

Time fly. I’m getting thinner, and the whole inside me is getting bigger. When would be a perfect time? Why aren’t you coming back yet?

I miss the old me, the old us. When we were together, everything seems so easy back then. We conquer the world together. And reaching the impossible with bleeding hands but with hopeful minds and hearts.

You know, I never felt like this until now. Hopeless. Worthless. Lifeless. This has been me without you. And I doubt I would be able to live like before. You left me in the dark, searching for something I didn’t even know existed. What happened? Why sudden change of colors?

Once more, please come back.


School. What is school? Why do we go to school?

Well, we go to school because simply, we wanted to learn. We wanted to educate ourselves. We wanted to improve our standard of living. We wanted to experience what it is like to have different skills, to fully understand our surroundings so that we could cope up with what is currently there. But is it worth it?

Did attending school and learning various skills, attending brain-racking subjects, developing talents — answer your deepest desires? Did it provide answers to your seeking — enough that you could simply ask yourself, “WHY—-?” and provide answers right away with a full understanding of what you are probing and providing? Did it improve our way of thinking, to ourselves, or did it only add more fuels to our blazing desires?

Are we heading in the right direction, or away from it? Does it help?


Query #1

You are better than you think you do. Just keep going.

Think. Listen. Trace back the path you once place your feet on, look around and examine the surrounding.

You might see things scattered around, pick them up, gather, examine, and lastly assemble them.

The answer might be just right there, staring right at your face. Use it. Then start over again.

You will be surprised by how easy it is to keep going now. This time, you won’t be able to stop thoughtlessly again, though, at times, you will, but it won’t be for the same reason again.

Go on because you deserve to reach where you heading at. Keep fighting and keep going. You can do it!

Angelica Parantar



One simple thought can lead to another. It either helps you in achieving your goals or prevents you from grasping them. When you believe something is impossible, your mind will find ways to prove that thought, but when you believe that something is possible, your mind will coordinate with your actions and helps you find ways to do it.

Believing something that can be done, generates creativity. Believing something that cannot be done is a destructive thinking. This simple thought can be applied in all situations, little or big. A person who went to open a small business who did not genuinely believed his/her capability on handling it will fail because trust wasn’t there in the first place. A student who were about to take an examination who believed that he will pass the test will eventually make it because his mind were open from all sort of creative ways to study. A mechanic who believed that he can fix a fatally ruined car, fixed it and transformed it into something brand new because his mind helped him find ways to do it.

Take this for example, months ago, I mentioned from my previous blog about my big achievement—about riding a bike and how did I able to manage it. To some, it was just mundane task but for me, it wasn’t. It took me a lot of courage to finally throw my anxieties away and to bring myself to what I called—a successful launch. I fell a hundred times, but I stood up a thousand times. When I was in the verge of giving up, I closed my eyes and picture myself of doing the exact thing I really wanted to do. I hold on to that thought, fixed my mind (that I can do it), open my eyes, take that into action and voila, I did it!

The picture is to see yourself from the successful lane and find ways how to get there.

Believe it can be done. That’s the first step in fulfilling your dreams.

Copyright © Angelica Parantar


“The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Some people are not okay with being under the heavy rainfall. Some disgusts rain because it is moist and wet. Some felt they’ve been bombarded with all their unluckiness, disappointments and failures – all in one blow. That’s why they don’t like it – it gives them the feeling of reality they’ve refused to look. But to others it gives them solitude and a chance to be with their minds. Be with those ‘few’ who looked up and accept the heavy drops of rain. It is a necessity as much as we face ourselves. In order to move forward, you must first look at the steps you were taking. Do not dodge something you are not prepared – the best way to see things positively is to first accept that whatever can go wrong will go wrong.

Stop constantly blabbing about the situation you are currently in. Decide how you were going to get through it! Feel it! Live with it! Do not let your present, temporary condition be your final destination. Make up your mind to get on with your life and fulfill your divine purpose regardless of your condition.

God wants each of us to come through to whatever circumstances we are facing. We should not be afraid to face our fears, acknowledge our weaknesses, and feel our emotions. It’s okay to be not okay. Sometimes, you have to receive a good beating to become stronger.

Be transformed by resetting your mind by accepting what there is. Today is the day to begin to walk with faith and utmost confidence amidst the circumstances you are in.

Say, “I’m going to get through what I’ve been going through!” And, you will be……

Angelica Parantar

Claim your worries!

Whenever I have the opportunity, I’ve always thought about this certain situation that I was in. Of my faith and my present kind of life, my way of living, and what possibly be my reason and purpose why I am here.

There are times that I could sense that I am only a thought away from the answers I was looking for and could feel that it was already here, beside me and within me. But the next moment, it was gone. It was like I was following a faint trace of dust from the dark and then the wind blew it away and it burned out, leaving me hopeless in the darkness. It was depressing to search for an unknown answer. And searching for an answer to the question that was far from the vicinity.

Sometimes, I happened to forget what I was looking for. Then the answer will pop out—or so it seems.

Indeed, a great play. Isn’t it?

Me, forgetting my search and finding the answer, and me, remembering my search and losing my answer. They are like two parallel lines that will never meet. Two constructive horizons that are not bound to be together. A product of that playful faith.

I don’t know what makes me hungry for this search. I should be thankful, for God gave me two bloodlines. A very great blessing and gift to be considered. But I am also anxious about the situation that I am in. Being the center of these two bloodlines, I have the moral obligation to take care of them. Be responsible and be strong for the shortcomings of waves of problems that may rampage to us. It wasn’t easy. I have to be mentally strong for them, thus I serve as the pillar for them so they could stand still side by side.

I may be overreacting but I can’t set aside this thought that if any one of them will fall, I could hardly see myself on which side I should go. I was born and grew up with the other side and yet as I was growing up I happened to meet the other side which helps me to sustain my education and thus, they’ve been part of my life. If happens that one of them will fall, I certainly do not know what I should do. But I’m gonna say that none of them will I able to turn my back on.

Nothing’s certain, I must say. But as long as I am still alive, while we are all still here, I must take my part with them in any means other than one. I might not know how to do it by now—or maybe oblivious to my knowledge that I already have done it, I just have to strengthen it, placing a lot of straws so it wouldn’t break however strong the waves are.

Life is full of trial and error indeed. There’s no start and end of everything. If something will gonna finish, another thread will lose and bound to start something new again, like everyone was walking in a single scarlet thread—fragile and soft. Well, no one’s gonna predict what life will make us in the future, so what we gonna do is accept everything with open eyes and open arms. Urassaya Sperbund said, “If it is bad, then it is bad! Try again!” Nothing’s certain but that doesn’t mean you can close yourself from random doors to open.

How about you? What are your worries?

Yet, always remember to make your self-quest a journey (•‿•)


Hello everyone!

So I am back again for another entry! How was your day? Good? Better? Worst? Sucks? That’s okay. You’re still doing well, and tomorrow’s coming, so you still have the chance to make it the ‘best. 🙂

Before I begin, I wanted to say thank you for visiting my site, you just added to my list as one of my inspirations to continue my passion for writing. And I hope you’ll be getting something new today.

Enjoy reading!

What is this about?

This one is about time and your goals. How much time are you wasting and why are you not moving now?

I always wanted to learn how to ride a bike. Every time I saw people riding bicycles or even motorcycles which are mostly younger than me, I cannot help but be amazed at how calm they were on gripping the handlebar. How comfortable they are on sitting on that tiny seat while moving fast against the wind. They had it effortlessly and every time I was like, “Whoa, how did they do it? Aren’t they afraid of falling? How many times did they fell before becoming a pro?”

I have so many questions, but neither of them was giving me the courage to stand up and snatch up one bicycle from another rider and took the blow myself. Just by thinking about the scratches and stitches, they’re getting, literally tightened my stomach. And so I stepped back with my hands on top of my head—yes, I surrendered without even starting. I was weak. A coward. I always let my doubts control my decisions and let them messed my mind.

But it was later these days when I fully gained my courage to finally hold the bicycle and hurled myself into it. As expected, my first try was a mess. I could barely get my balance nor move the pedal to a meter, and the result? Of course a lot of falling, lots of scratches, and most of all, body pains. And so I came to the conclusion of giving up. Real quick.

But it was when I was about to bring back the bicycle to its place when a sudden thought came to me and scolded me more than my mother did. And I was like, “That’s right. Why did I even tried this out when I am just going to give up too quickly? Angie, you wanted this, and while you are choosing this, you’re also committing yourself to be responsible for your decisions. Get back and try again. Do not lose against yourself!” Realizing the mistake that I was about to make was not only hurting my body, but my ego was also sulking as well. So, I tried again. Again. And again.

As I am writing this, I am already visualizing myself doing backflips in the middle of the air while chasing another rider and claiming my gold trophy while giving poses in front of the camera. Did I pass my self-training? Maybe, maybe not. But I can say that I am doing very well. Thanks to my younger brother’s helping hand, I was able to make any progress. And that’s enough. For now.

If you have something in mind that you badly wanted to do, do it now! Do not wait for someone to come and flick your forehead before you’ve got to move your bottom from your comfort zone. The clock’s ticking and you’re not getting any younger. Move. Quick!

Angelica Parantar


What kind of footprint would you like to leave behind?

A time comes when we left our vessel here on Earth. We descend and went to the place where no one knew the path how to get back. To the place where most people are afraid to even speak or think about. Are you prepared for that time? If so, what kind of footprint are you preparing to be left behind?

The most wonderful feeling a person could ever feel is when you know that someone is looking up to you. Who was watching your every action, praised even your smallest achievements, or even capture your worst mistakes. You never know, in your current life, someone is looking up at you. Of course, there will always be someone who always looks high on you, no matter how low you perceive yourself or how unworthy you think you are. Whether it is your child, friend, student, siblings, or even your partner! You’ll never know that the trails you are currently making will someday be the same path your descendants will be walking too.

“No one is you and that is your biggest power.”

– David Grohl

No one is you because you are you! Even the identical twins could be distinguished from each other because of their strengths and abilities. They’d only be alike from their physical appearance. The same thing goes with you. You are different, you are unique, you are special and no one, if they try, will never be YOU. But that doesn’t mean that if no one can copy you, then someone cannot use you. Of course, anyone can.

You will become someone else’s inspiration, a ladder, and a motivation for them to also reach their finish line. Like a baby who would always look up, listen, and follow her mother’s every word as she’s trying to achieve her first step. As she’s trying to strengthen her legs’ foundation for her first walk, formulate words for her first talk until she gained confidence in doing it on her own and until she can run without falling until she can read fluently until she can speak without stuttering until she can count and write faster and until the day that she will have to leave her mother’s arm. But what’s most surprising here is when she went back, hugged her mother tightly, and said, “thank you.”

That’s when you realized that you did something better among your worst, something you’d won amongst your biggest setbacks.

That’s why it is important to be always mindful of our actions and decisions. Whatever values you are trying to implant in yourself will radiate within you and eventually influence the people around you.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them happy.”

Maya Angelou

Now, let me leave these questions for you:
How would you want to be perceived?
What kind of trails do you want to leave behind?

Angelica Parantar


We all got in the same flight, what we only differ is the destination that we choose to go.

There are three kinds of problems; yourself, your surroundings, and the natural occurrences. The ‘yourself’ kind of problem are your emotions—our own behaviors. These are the kind of problems that we have a direct control – which we have the right and the freedom to choose the response that we could give in an aspect where we mostly did not expect. Those are our practices that shaped us to be what we are today, but could also be the reason of our ruin one day. A problem which could possibly be solve by first working in the inside—the ‘self’ aspect.

The ‘surroundings’ kind of problem are the people around you. These are the problems that doesn’t give us the right to control—circumstances that gives us the sword—not to fight but to reap everything we did not even sow. The people’s influence around us is very broad that often throw us into the pit of anonymity wherein we could not even pick a single cell in our body to identify our own identity towards the other.

The ‘natural occurrences’ on the other hand, are the kind of problem that definitely occurs naturally. We do not hold anything of it, but it hold everything of us. We do not have a single control over it, but when it occurs, it took over us—whether we like or not, it would. It has the ability to turn our smiles upside down, and the ability to hypnotize us to accept what it would bring to offer and say ‘YES’ to everything it says even though we don’t like them.

We all fell into this aspects every day, in every decisions we make, we are fighting over it. Yet, the one thing that we have the complete control over these aspects is our ability to response over them. We have every freedom to choose what we would give them in return.

If you feel miserable after failing an exam—the choice was yours—you chose for it and you are responsible of yourself for feeling it. On the other hand, if you chose to accept the result and learning from it instead, you’re giving yourself the chance to work for the better and giving way for some improvement.

When the world presents you with something frustrating, choose to do something about it. Don’t just stand there and shake your head while it is eating your whole being. Change your perspective, overrule your response. Choose to be a creator.

Angelica Parantar

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